Importance of Family in Recovery

    Words from a volunteer parent...

    A child's substance abuse problem cannot be managed by dealing only with the child. It is a dynamic illness that involves the entire family's well being. Only by giving both the child and the parents the necessary tools to deal with this illness can effective treatment be established and maintained.

    It must be remembered that there is no cure for addiction, and ongoing treatment is the most effective means to life-long sobriety. With an adult, it is possible to give individual treatment and expect him or her to continue seeking sobriety on their own. On the other hand, it is impossible to expect a child to seek what is best for them. This is especially true when dealing with an illness that affects their ability to think rationally.

    By educating the parents on how to change the dynamics of their relationship with their child, a stable and structured environment is put into place, allowing sobriety to occur. "Structure" is key here, for without structure the treatment is doomed to failure.

    In working with the parents along with the child, teamwork is achieved and the effectiveness of the treatment increases exponentially. This happens even when the addict doesn't want treatment.

    Just as no one can understand an addict like another addict, no parent can begin to understand what it's like to have an addicted son or daughter unless they have been through the same experience. By coming to treatment with their children, parents can surround themselves with people who either are going through the same thing or have gone through it successfully. Parents soon realize that they are not alone with their problems and are able to tap into a vast resource of knowledge from others who have gone through the same problems.

    Many of the people attending this program have graduated long ago and return as volunteers to give back what they learned. These include both kids (fondly known as "F.A.I.R. kids") and parents. In volunteering, parents not only offer a tremendous service to the newer parents, but also reinforce their own resolve to go back home and continue to do the right thing. The parents who are new to the program learn quickly from the veterans.

    The meetings at this program are broken into parents with parents while the kids are with their peers, followed by multi-family groups with parents and children together. Parents brainstorm through their issues during parent group, and become armed to deal with their children afterwards. They are coached, mentored and reassured by more seasoned parents simply by listening as others share similar experiences. They end up with a custom made formula for dealing with their children. Meanwhile, in peer group the young volunteers have been working with the teens, often on the same issues. They can smell a lie a mile away. If one is not absolutely honest while talking about their behavior, the lies are pounced upon and exposed by the peer group.

    What happens later at multi-family group seems nothing short of phenomenal. Issues are met with a barrage of suggestions on how to handle the behavior. The addict's peers dispense consequences that a parent would never think of. The parent is totally empowered and doesn't even have to be the "bad guy". The familiar power struggle between parent and child is gone. The parent, who previously wasn't able to help the child their way, now simply follows the suggestions of the group. They now do it the F.A.I.R. way and it works!